


I'm Trying to be Brave

by AthenianRavenclaw28



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: After the Seelie queen ruined stuff, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by 2x19, M/M, izzy and alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 19:51:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11743983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AthenianRavenclaw28/pseuds/AthenianRavenclaw28
Summary: Alec returns to the Institute after the fight with Johnathan. And allows himself to feel after that tension filled meeting with his love whom he lost. Izzy finds him and comforts him.





	I'm Trying to be Brave

**Author's Note:**

> I first just wrote a thread on Twitter which just got away with me. For Sneha, who asked me to write a fic on that. But also this is my first fic and I'm sure to make mistakes. So constructive criticism appreciated! The title is from the song 'Brave' by Riley Pearce. Hope you enjoy!

**Alec's POV**

As Alec, Jace, Izzy and Clary entered the Institute, exhausted and hurting, Alec ordered Jace to go and get himself healed. Clary automatically volunteered to help, which led to her and Jace sharing a glance. Alec caught it and rolled his eyes. The tension between them was palpable. Then he suddenly remembered what had happened just hours ago in this very Institute. He closed his eyes.  _Don't go there Alec,_ _he_  told himself.  _Think of anything but that. Anybody but him._ When he opened his eyes he could feel the rest of their gazes on him but he ignored it and proceeded to his office, aiming to get swamped in paperwork, anything to stop feeling.

He entered his office and collapsed on the chair. He remembered a time when sitting here felt like a dream. Now all he felt was regret, anger at himself and a terrible, terrible sadness.  _Is this what heartbreak feels like? How do people survive this? How can they go about their lives so easily when I can't even breathe with out thinking about...stop. Stop it Alec._ He swiped his phone screen, opening it and froze.

Staring back at him were him and Magnus, all giggly and silly. He remembered when it was taken. Magnus had dragged him to a photobooth, complaining about a lack of photos of Alec looking silly and apparently he had a dire need for it. Alec was laughing, feeling so free and at the same time grounded, wondering how he got so lucky to have such an adorable, hot and caring boyfriend. On his first shot at love. But seeing how being with Magnus felt so addictive, something told Alec he doesn't need another shot at love. They goofed around, and Magnus got the photos, a copy of which Alec still kept in his wallet. When Magnus had entered some shop to buy clothes, Alec came back to the photobooth telling Magnus he got enough crap about his clothes from Izzy without Magnus too getting on his case. When Magnus pouted, Alec smiled and told him he'd bring him ice cream, to which Magnus rolled his eyes and smiled fondly, shooing him away. He requested the operator of the photobooth to give him softcopies of the photos, which the operator gave with a knowing smirk on his face. "You two are so in love. I don't even think you need pictures to remember that." Alec had smiled and blushed, thanking him and rushed away to get his boyfriend ice cream. When he thought the man's words over he smiled and silently agreed. Oh how wrong he was.

The click of the door opening jolted Alec back to reality. He was surprised to find his eyes wet. He quickly wiped away his unshed tears, which had come as easily as the memories. He shut his phone as the door opened to reveal Izzy. She looked him over, seemingly lost in thought. But her eyes seem to burn with sadness.

**Izzy's POV**

Izzy opened the door, wanting to discuss the course of action with Alec. She entered and the sight of her brother, sitting in the chair, his shoulders slumped, body language speaking of defeat despite having just come back after killing Johnathan. He turned towards her and her heart broke. His hazel eyes had a strange sheen to them as if the tears had frozen over them. His hand was next to his phone and Izzy realised what had made her brother so sad. When you have the photograph of your love as your phone's wallpaper and said love would not even speak to you, it's got to hurt.

But she couldn't bring herself to hate Magnus for it. Anyone else and they would have been killed in the most torturous way. But this was  _Magnus_ and having gone through what the Clave put him through, she didn't blame him for choosing his people. Which made the whole thing worse. Knowing that both Magnus and Alec were suffering, their world tearing apart at high speed, and there was nothing Izzy could do about it, made her feel helpless, more than when she was undergoing withdrawal from yin fen. Something about seeing her strong, willful, brave and protective brother look like he had been handed his broken heart into his hands, made her forget her actual objective and she went upto him. She knew at some time in the past sitting behind this desk was his dream, but now it must be the worst burden for him.

She turned him towards her, for he had turned away, probably to wipe his tears. " Do you need something Izzy?" he asked softly. His eyes nowadays held too much pain, and a tiredness that came from suffering silently for so long. "Yes actually. I need to give you a hug." she stated matter of factly and pulled him into her arms, to the ground. He struggled at first and then melted into her warm embrace. She could feel him shaking, could see his fingers twitching, as if craving the bow and quiver which helped him forget the world. And then came the tears. He turned his head into her shoulder as if not wanting Izzy to see him cry. She hugged him tighter, wanting to show him it's okay, tears are fine, and that he shouldn't hide them, especially not from her.

She heard him mumble somthing." Did you say something Alec?" she asked, apprehension lacing her voice. "I tried to change it. But I can't. Something stops me." "Tried to change what?" "The wallpaper. Magnus's photograph. I try to change it. He didn't even seem to think it worth talking to me. I shouldn't hold on like this. I know I should let go but....I..I can't!". He draws away from Izzy, despite his height, his face looking like a child's, seeking comfort after a fall. "Do you think there's something wrong with me? Does he not love me anymore? Cause if I knew being a Head of this Institute, would cause me to hurt him, I would never had accepted it from Jace. He trusted me with so much Izzy! And how did I repay him? And now he....he...he won't even look at me!" Alec was getting worked up, pulling at his hair with his shaking hands. Izzy pulled his hands away from his hair, holding them in hers.

"Alec. He can't stop loving you even if he wanted to. You both are meant to be. He probably didn't want the Seelie queen to think he still loved you." She cupped his cheek in her hand, the other still holding both of his. He closed his eyes at the touch, looking as though he didn't wannt to open them ever again, ever be aware of this reality." There is nothing wrong with you Alec. Do not even think it. You are the best leader, best archer, best parabatai, the best brother I could possibly ask for. You stood by me, took care of me even when I had so thoughtlessly turned you away. You never hated me for the yin fen addiction. Even when I thought you would."

As Alec opened his mouth to speak, she stopped him and pulled him into a hug again. He slumped against her." It's all going to be okay you're going to be fine. We all are." Alec turned his hazel eyes up to look at her, the despair in them very much real." Izzy we're Niphilim. How could you possibly think anything could be okay?"Izzy breathed in. "It will be. We can't afford to think any other way Alec."

After all saying everything will be okay, when you know it won't, still feels better, when you know the alternative is too dark, painful and cold to think of. Alec sighed understanding. And there they sat on the ground, the two Lightwood siblings, finding comfort in each other, wondering what their future was going to bring, whether or not it will be the end if their world. And they both knew that until they knew otherwise, they could still hope. And hope they did.

**Author's Note:**

> Malec is my muse. And I'm going to use it to write whatever ideas come in my head. Over and out!


End file.
